5 tips for having the prenup talk

A prenuptial agreement, or a “prenup,” is a contract couples create before marriage that outlines how finances will be handled during the marriage and how assets would be divided if the marriage ends. 

There are typically two main components when thinking about a prenup: 

• What happens to the assets each of you brings into the marriage 
• How future income and assets acquired after the marriage will be handled

While talking about money and assets can feel uncomfortable, having this conversation early can help ensure you and your partner are aligned in your shared future partnership and your views on finances. 

Here are a few ways to make a potentially awkward prenup conversation more productive and beneficial (and less stressful) for your future marriage:

1. Start the prenuptial conversation early

If you’re considering a prenup, it’s important to raise the topic as early as possible before the wedding. The sooner you approach the subject and have a candid conversation about your views on finances and future financial partnership, the less pressured the conversation will feel. 

Starting early gives both partners time to process, ask questions and think through their goals.

It also helps you understand what each person is bringing into the marriage and your future goals when it comes to your finances.

2. Focus on each of your views on marriage and finances

It’s important to be transparent and honest about your finances and expectations in your partnership. Having an open conversation about these topics may be difficult at first, but it will strengthen your relationship and ensure that you’re on the same page and prepared for whatever the future may bring. For instance, consider whether you’d prefer a shared financial partnership or more financial independence in the marriage. This is also a good time to discuss how to handle any family-related wealth, inheritances or trusts you may receive distributions from.

3. Frame the conversation as a way to protect each other and plan for the future

Emphasize that a prenup is not based on mistrust or an assumption your marriage will fail. Rather, its purpose is to protect both partners and avoid future conflict by resolving potential issues early on without the animosity that often comes with divorce.

Framing the conversation this way can help reduce defensiveness. The goal is to address potential issues calmly, before emotions are high.

4. Listen carefully to your partner’s thoughts and concerns

It’s important you both feel heard and respected in this process and that any issues are addressed calmly and thoughtfully. Take time to listen to each other, not just explain your own position. 

A prenuptial agreement should reflect mutual understanding. It works best when both people feel it’s fair and balanced.

5. Get guidance from an experienced family lawyer

Consulting an experienced family lawyer with expertise in prenup agreements before starting discussions with your partner can be helpful. A family lawyer will help you identify important issues to discuss and share guidance before and during these conversations to make them thoughtful and more productive.

Marina Barannik and Kiana Givpoor are family law attorneys at Tucker. Wondering “Do I need a prenup?” Our experienced family law attorneys can help you understand how prenuptial agreements work and guide you through the process with clarity and care. We’ll work with you to create a prenuptial agreement that reflects your priorities, protects your investment and supports your relationship for the long term.